answered ...

Just when I was feeling very down about my art this evening I received emails from London that reminded me about the things I know I do well.

I think that as a people we New Zealanders find it hard to celebrate our successes other than in sport. We try not to be egotistical. It might make us nice people to be around, but it has a downside, self doubt.

Another email today suggested that it is normal for artists to have on-going identity crises, and that each artist has a unique destiny. I guess there is comfort in that, assuming you own the descriptor of artist. Mostly I do.

Maybe it is the self-doubt that keeps us striving for excellence, and it is knowing that I have strayed from excellence, compromised my standards to complete commissions on time, made some other works that I am not passionate about, that is causing my self doubt now.

I remember reading many years ago that not every work had to be a major work. That is certainly true, but every work must have what I call artistic integrity. When I paint for others in a tight time-frame I sometimes struggle to achieve that.

This rather public "soul-searching" keeps me accountable to myself. I make no apology for it! The alternative is not cutting off my ear, but possibly my hair...

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