15 June 2011

peace on earth

(Wednesday morning my time)

Peace on earth is the dream. And peace begins in the home.

Lately I have become stronger in insisting on keeping my space free of negative energy. I have had some awesome visitors come to stay, and they brought with them a sense of calm and at the same time a huge amount of fun. Big hugs to them.

Other guests brought with them a different type of fun and practical, no-nonsense kiwi-ness.

My current house guest has me in fits of laughter over the smallest things. I have known her for 25 years. I had hoped we might become flatmates but a year ago we decided that we couldn't share our space long term. Our times together though are great. We debate the word order of "little tiny" which I insist should be "tiny little" and I justify the argument by citing "great big". We both claim that "small little" is an abomination and should not be tolerated. We find this hilarious... I guess you have to in our space to understand how entertaining this is...

But when other guests come with a different agenda and pull the conversation to places of tragedy, when coarse language is used, when things become too one-sided, I now take a stand and request that in my home the conversation change.

My home is my refuge, it is a place of calm and quiet. It can be a place for intense discussion, for therapy, for debating for change, but is not a place for glorying in miseries, for always finding the down side, for focusing on war instead of peace.

I live in the middle of a battlefield. My home was a German supply depot. But it is now a place of peace, and of calm. To protect my own peace I have had to become strong and assertive.

Yesterday I vented. I had snapped. I interrupted a conversation and I was quite unreasonable. I had tried so hard to be tolerant, but at the end of a long and tiring day I had had enough of being questioned when the conversation had no real purpose and I needed to be asleep. The truth is, the conversation itself wasn't important. Over my nightly cup of tea when our guest had gone I asked my friend what the conversation had really been about. I was aware that my snapping had been unreasonable. She agreed that I had been unreasonable, but she also "took my side". Bless her!

I had snapped when asked who from history I admired most, what person from books or films, from philosophy, from my reading. It was hardly a reason to deliver a rant as I did. Today I will apologise for that, but I don't apologise for defending my feelings or my space.

I guess that particular conversation had been the final straw. Time to take a deep breath, surround myself with calm, and refocus my life.

I woke this morning with this song in my head: "Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me..." My task today is to get that also into my heart, and continue my life as I need to lead it, able to rise above the interruptions, keeping calm.

It is better to be proactive than reactive. And when I do react, let my actions be considered, gracious and kind.

Today I am grateful for people who understand me.


Teacake said...

Oh wow, what a touching post.

Sarah said...

Escape to your studio.
Good music.
Glass of wine.
Peace on earth.

Anonymous said...

Let your instincts take you to forbidden places, you wild thing!