14 June 2008

reading, not painting

Just occasionally I indulge in reading something written in English. Yesterday I spent a large part of the day reading while I mooched through some melancholy, the result of a variety of things partly out of my control.

After some email and real life conversations I had been looking at some of the songs that were important to me in my teenage years. One seemed to bring up memories of a young me, full of hope, knowing where she would go in life. Forty years later I have no idea where I am going in life. Mostly I am ok with that, but just occasionally I lack confidence, miss having some certainty.

Nikki said "nostalgia is a gentle way of being sad, it's kind of good once in a while".
Sarah said "Contrary to popular belief, the dark is good. It's there for a reason. No light without it, you see, you see".

I don't know when they grew to be wise. It reminds me of another a line from another song, "Sunrise, Sunset" from Fiddler on the Roof. "I don't remember growing older, when did they?"

One phrase that I once read has stuck with me since childhood. I don't remember the context at all, it was so many many years ago. It was "clear shining after rain". It has come to me so many times over the years.

This week has been a patch of rain. Next week, clear shining?

Sunshine and light, so important to me.

PS: from Wikipedia The musical's title stems from a painting by Marc Chagall,[2] one of many surreal paintings he created of Eastern European Jewish life, often including a fiddler. The Fiddler is a metaphor for survival, through tradition and joyfulness, in a life of uncertainty and imbalance.

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly flow the days
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers
Blossoming even as we gaze

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears

1 comment:

tania said...


I remember crying not long before leaving school, because I had no idea of where my life was going.

I also remember closing in on my 30th birthday still every bit as unsure, but feeling happy anyway because it no longer mattered to me that I didn't know. Most of us don't know, and we're living lovely lives anyway.

I think you're living a lovely life, and I'm very glad to be a part of it :-)