musing by the heater...

Last night I made some real progress on the double portrait I have been avoiding. Now I can see two children I know, not one I know and one who was vaguely familiar but not quite anyone in particular. I had to start another painting to stop working on that one. I know it is best to let it dry, so there is no risk of losing what I have already achieved. Stopping is really hard to do… I want to keep going. But the sleeves on my sweatshirt prove that I get too close, I lean on the canvas; I am generally a mucky pup when I am working.

And… call me crazy if you must… late last night, when I took a break and made a cup of tea, I wondered why I felt so hungry. Oooops… there on the wide window ledge / bench space was the dinner I had prepared some time before. I was so absorbed in what I was doing I had completely forgotten to eat. Because I had prepared the food, I thought I had eaten it too! I laughed when I realised, because it meant I am back. Back to being totally immersed in creating. I haven’t been in that space for several years. For a while I had a bed in my studio in New Zealand, because I worked late into the night and wanted to open my eyes the next day to see the previous night’s work before anything else.* Happiness is bouncing out of bed in the morning to see what you thought you had painted the night before!

And now… exciting news, maybe, if it happens this time… the man is going to start on the restoration of the rock and earth walls in the cantina on Saturday, and my life will be completely changed again! We are going to replace the rammed earth with cement, and polish the rocks and seal it so there is no dust and I can sleep in what was possibly once the stables… Exciting! It will double the size of the house. I hope, by June, to have a dining room and a new bedroom. This house is a work in progress, and as the TV programmes tell you, progress can be very very slow! I have learned patience here…

I really want to write more about ego and self. And I will. But today I have more immediate things to do… that entry is too important to me to rush it. An email this morning reminded me that some people read my blog in their second or third language. I want my next post on this subject to be really clear, and something I have thought about in more depth. Sheryl gave me cause for thought… as usual! It is good to have this kind of debate, even if in the end we agree to differ. Or especially then, perhaps.

Today is mostly get the washing machine and computer sorted day, and I have been working a little on another art project that needs “little and often” type attention as I gather information and ideas for it from my community and surroundings. This afternoon it is cold, and Zacchi and I are by the heater writing this because one of us needs to warm up a little. But I must get in the wood and light the fire, I think I have to get back to my paintings…

*Warning: there are too many chemicals in studios; sleeping in the studio was not a wise thing to do! When I regularly woke with nose bleeds I realised I was probably also doing all sorts of damage to my lungs and brain!