knowing when to stop

I could be painting in my studio right now, but I think I should stop. I know I am tired, and I will make mistakes. Oooops... used that "should" word. Rephrase: But now it is time to stop.

Today I started a new work, a portrait of Angela. The credenza (sideboard?) makes an awesome easel, and with the table turned sideways I have plenty of room to step back and consider each mark. I really want to light the fire, but I know that if I do I will keep painting, and the light is not good enough. I can't keep my hands off the brushes if I stay in the room. Tomorrow I will go to a city where I can buy the lighting I need on a Sunday. It wont wait until Monday, I have a good feeling about this painting and I don't want to put it on hold. There is a time in the day when the light moves and I can't quite find the right spot to work. That's shopping time. I didn't want to stop now, so I came to write this post to keep occupied. Often the success of a painting is knowing when to stop, when to put it aside, when to take a break.

Zacchi took me for a long walk this morning. It was good for both of us. He is learning that it is OK to wait outside shops and houses, mum does come out to protect him if a big dog comes near! While we were walking I was wrestling with a problem. Walking is good for thinking.

I have felt a bit lost since Christmas. The museum is packed down, there are no more tours for a few weeks, my unfinished paintings were hanging over me, and I was resenting my teaching. Many of the things I need to do for the Campagna della Pace 2009 and other projects involve others who are not available at the moment. I was going around in circles a little, not sure where I was heading. It was not that there was nothing to do, there was too much to do. The problem was where to start.

Following my Dad's advice, I started with my immediate surroundings. This was much easier than I expected, once the studio decision was made. Suddenly I am living in a tidy house. That's a novel experience for me! Next came the lists. Now here's a confession: in the bad old days, sometimes I wrote things like "put out washing", "dust lounge" on lists purely so that I would have something to cross off! I sent my lists to two friends, so they could check up on me. What happened was that I found myself doing all the jobs I had forgotten to write down! Now, some time later, it is time to deal with the lists and write the time-line, so I can work backwards and find the most urgent jobs.

I have 6 projects demanding my attention. It is too much. I have put one on hold, and have delayed an exhibition. I have removed a deadline from a third. That still gives me more than I need. I have five individual timelines running along under my master timeline. That doesn't mean I will meet all my deadlines. It means that I may choose to move a deadline, or alter a project to fit the time available. I can pretend to myself that I am in control. Somehow I need something to work to, to hold myself accountable somewhere.

But now, enough writing. I just have to pop back to the studio, to look at the painting again... promise that all I will do there is put the kettle on... maybe...