I was going to write about being a professional artist. An artist friend challenged me on my comment that I found being a professional artist "not enough". We exchanged a few emails. We are good for one another, if a little too painfully honest at times. I tried editing our conversation, but somehow it came out all wrong. Stilted, pompous, she said defensive, on my side, I say aggressively assertive on hers. Out of context it was wrong. But she did make me think about why I felt entitled to call myself a professional artist. I had struggled to do this for many years. This is what I wrote to her: For me in that particular time (when discovering that being a professional artist wasn’t enough) it probably encompassed these considerations: - As a professional artist I strive to make work that is honest, technically superior and well critiqued (by myself and my peers) from a knowledge/experience base.
- I expect to be working from a position of genuine integrity and not just painting a picture for sale, or producing work that anyone else could have painted and possibly done better. I think for me that involves having my head, heart and hands all working together to make work that I can defend in any context. I like to think that my work carries my intention, no matter what theme, scale or media I am working with.
- I considered myself a professional artist when I finally held the belief that I could make my art my full time profession. I am sure that this change was greatly helped by gaining my tertiary qualifications, although I don’t believe that this is a pre-requisite in any way. It was also helpful to my self-belief when I was offered employment in an art school at postgraduate level.
- In recent years I have travelled a little more, subsequently realising that my work and exhibitions could stand successfully anywhere else in the world.
It is not that simple really. I used to live in New Zealand, the country I am from. There, I remember the good and the bad. The excitement I felt when I left the country on an art trip, my precious art box in my hand luggage (you can't do that now) and my profession listed as "artist" when I filled out the airport cards. I also remember apologising for describing myself as an artist to an over-worked colleague some time after I left the teaching profession. Her husband pulled me up sharply. Why did I apologise? Why was I reluctant to use the term? Did I think it made me different from everyone else? That was a reality check for me. Why was I uncomfortable with the term? Didn't I see it as a "real job"? Did I think it was some kind of elevated status? Where was I coming from? Yes, I was regarding it as some kind of elevated status, in that to be a professional artist meant that I was actually expecting people to like, understand, and buy my work. All my working life I had been teaching, in some way or another. I was in a *giving, serving* profession. Suddenly, when money for my art work came into it, I felt that I was taking. That didn't sit at all well with me. I remember saying more than once that I would work to support my art making rather than paint to sell. Was that a "cop out"? (Later I had issues about filling the planet with unwanted artworks... more in a later blog perhaps?)
I also felt that indulging in my passion was not really work. Yes, it was exhausting, time consuming, stressful, but it was for *me*. That is the part that felt wrong. I was doing what I had always wanted to do, just for me. Why couldn't that feel like valid work? It does now, and I am not sure where the change came. I suspect, but I am not sure, that a little of it came when someone who had seen my exhibition "Unlocked" asked my husband in a local pub "When is Kay going to go back to doing real painting?" (ie, local landscapes). My response was one of delight, that because of my changed work, more honest work in my opinion, art was being discussed over a beer in a working man's bar on a Friday night in rural New Zealand. I know that a lot of the change came when I had my first exhibition in Italy. And now, three years later, I live in Italy and I find the culture of "noblesse oblige" still exists. My little village, in a poorer part of Italy, has always had a resident artist. But there was a gap of a few years with noone. Until I turned up. They liked having an artist here again. And, to keep me here, those who can afford it commission paintings from me. Is that related to why it felt pretentious to call myself an artist in New Zealand? I don't know, but I do know I am grateful for the commissions that keep coming, just as I need them.
But maybe this more ordinary fact is what makes me a professional artist. When I am working, nothing else exists. For example, I set out to cook myself a good wholesome meal tonight. For me and my little dog, Zacchi. I told myself I would not start this post until after dinner. But, as usual, when I am painting or thinking about my art, I forget about what is happening in the kitchen. Usually I am a good cook. But when I am working on a project, microwave meals are safer. They turn themselves off. Tonight I ate burnt offerings at the computer while I worked on this post. Zacchi gave up on me as he waited for his share to cool and be delivered to him. He put himself to bed by the computer.
Zacchi says it's the pits, having a professional artist for a Mum.
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3 comments:
Ironically I was going to post a post on how artists should not cook about two days ago. About how we should live off snack food because I *always* burn things when I paint.
Heh.
I often forget how words meant kindly can come across as harsh, cruel or insensitive (I am insensitive!) I am that friend you mention who provokes too much and too agressively! I never meant to challenge your belief in yourself as an artist; that is a given. The fact that you lose yourself in your work is evidence of that, not to mention the quality & standard of your work. It is the claim to professionalism I challenged; due to my own dificulty in achieving a consistently proffessional standard in my own work. I have seen some stunningly beautiful work that you made during your MFA, and long to see you make work of that calibre on a consistent basis; not in a sense that denigrates the commissioned pieces you have been making recently, which are quality artworks too, but don't take you beyond yourself as the more serious work can. Commissions have their place, but cannot replace or equal work spontaniosly created from the artists inner self. I am gratefull to be still your friend, in spite of my clumsiness...
Sheryl.
Thanks Sheryl, and I always appreciate your honesty! The problem with emails is we don't know how the person at the other end is feeling when they open the emails, and on vulnerable days things can be a bit tough. I did enjoy the subsequent discussion though!
I think it is OK to produce less important works, as I wrote (will paste below) in the email, but remember that if you are able to see that some work is of a lesser quality then you are being absolutely professional in that assessment. The crunch bit is what you then decide to do with that work. Making it is not the issue, putting it out with your best work could be. I don't know what the answer is there, but I suspect that a true professional would paint over it, or leave it unsigned and donate it to someone who could use it in some way, as it could well have intrinsic value despite not being of your best standard. In the past I have written notes all over the ones that didn't pass my own judgment, and used them as teaching resources. They are invaluable for that!
From our emails:
Sheryl: I like your interpretation of a professional artist. It follows that if one fails to live up to the standard of professionalism one believes is required then one is acting unprofessionally…? Perhaps we should look for ways to avoid putting ourselves in positions where we are unable to perform professionally. (This last comment was re time constraints and some commissions - K)
Kay: Yes, I would agree in part. But I think that we should not lose sight of the fact that not every work made has to be a major work. It is quite OK to match a project to the time, resources and restrictions available. As long as, in my opinion, the heart, mind and skill level of the artist are genuinely engaged, minor works are still the work of a professional.
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