higher profiles

OK, so here's the dilemma.

I think I make a good "Number two". In fact, all my life I have been number two. Second in the family, second at school... proxime accessit, not dux, deputy head girl, not head girl; teacher's college second in my intake, not first; even with a post graduate qualification yes, that's me, second again... I've even quite fancied the idea of being the indispensable PA behind some busy, important person.

But lately I have been pushed into the limelight a little more. Last year I resisted becoming "the face of Legato" and even retreated behind poppies for my FB photo. I signed my paintings with a poppy, believing that discussion about peace was more important than my name. But eventually with newspaper reporting and for the good of Legato I have had to become more of a public figure. Requests for interviews have come from newspapers and local television. I have agreed to them all.

On the opening night of Legato I am giving a presentation, fundraising to cover some of the costs of the exhibition. Tickets to this are selling well. I am slightly incredulous. And hugely relieved. And for now, not even nervous. Time enough for sweaty palms and an adrenalin rush when I get to the microphone.

*****

In the last week I have seen hugely irresponsible reporting in New Zealand newspapers. As facts emerge I want to call those reporters and demand that they make as much of the truth as they have of their head-line seeking speculation. As I drive I hear letters to the editor composing themselves in my head.

*****

I grew up believing that one should quietly work away for the common good. I have done that, I think, all my life.

Now it is time to stand up, make a noise, speak out. Time to become a force to be reckoned with and fight for justice in the world. Sometimes it is easier to do this outside your own country. I was comfortable being a little ripple in a big pond. I am coming to accept that to make a difference I might occasionally have to be a bigger splash in a smaller pond.

*****

I have also been contemplating my allegiances and place of residence. I have two countries, it is as simple as that. I just happen to prefer living in the one in Europe. When family are well spread it is difficult. Was it time to spend more time in New Zealand? Three months in the southern hemisphere would surely be manageable? I could work on causes I am passionate about here too. But then one of the reasons for considering this option moved out of New Zealand, just as I did almost four years ago. Indecision, once again, on where to spend the European winter.

Life. Interesting, always. Challenging, often. Boring? Never!

Today I am grateful for having enough courage to step outside my comfort zone.