saturday

Change is in the air. I am not sure who the change is for, how far it will reach, where the changes will show. Change makes us interesting. Even when things hurt we can emerge stronger, like the broken bone that heals itself. I have never had a broken bone, but many other parts of me have been vulnerable, wounded, exposed and raw.

Wounds too like air on them. Two days ago the rascal cut his finger, crying out in pain. I tried to find the words to explain that the wound was a clean one, not needing to be swabbed of dirt as the blood was flowing freely. I cleared the blood and grandma poured what seemed to be an oxygenated peroxide solution over it, so it fizzed and the blood cleared. The tears stopped. No sticking plaster was needed to cover the gash.

I was contemplating the word "anxiety" which popped up in a conversation. Sometimes when we are anxious, or have self doubt, we cover it by being busy, excelling, asserting an air of confidence. It can be hard to allow our vulnerabilities to show. I am reminded again of the expression used in my village, which means "How can I help you if you don't tell me what it is that you need?"

When we develop highly tuned and much practised self-defence systems we often hide our vulnerabilities even from ourselves. It is OK to cry, healthy to let things flow.

As I travelled my bag and I were separated. I arrived at my destination with only hand luggage; a panetone (big bread), a very basic and practical gift, and my chocolate "stash". I like the fact that I am ok, that there is no anxiety about the "baggage" that is probably still in Rome or Paris. Today I will have a fresh start, a new wardrobe. I will choose what decoration I will wear over my soul. The other things will arrive, when the time is right.

It is good to lose baggage, to let things go. Instead of the sensible travel clothing packed in my suitcase I will be wearing something different. I can choose to be a butterfly, or a spring flower. I wont be choosing "sensible".

Zacchi chose several nights ago to sleep with our guests, not on the floor beside me. He growled and barked when I tried to move him. He too knew that change was in the air, and opted to be with the carer who will give him the most attention.

Today I am grateful for the friendly efficiency of the staff at Air France, Fiumicino.