As I munched through my chewy bread washed down with red wine, having already consumed the salad, tomatoes and mozzarella, I scanned my blog, looking for an entry I knew would cheer me. It's been a miserable 24 hours. But never mind, they are over now. And I survived, helped by some sensible comments from daughters and the prospect of a visit from my son. The good thing about having grown up children is that when the chips are down, the roles reverse and they look after me!
But I noticed that I had written "Expectation" with a capital letter, in the blog title. That was completely unintentional. My blog titles don't have capital letters, and that choice was intentional. My bad 24 hours were the result of an expectation not being met. And so I was disappointed. Maybe the expectation was reasonable, maybe not. Maybe the disappointment was reasonable, maybe not. But you see, I have this habit of believing people, expecting them to follow through, expecting them to be who they say they are. And sometimes, I get it wrong, because I blend expectation, hope and trust. So if someone promises something, I expect that they will deliver. I hope and trust that they are who they say they are.
Ah well, time to put on some positive music, I think it will be Frank Sinatra... it goes a bit like this:
I'm gonna live till I die! I'm gonna laugh 'stead of cry,
I'm gonna take the town and turn it upside down,
I'm gonna live, live, live until I die.
They're gonna say "What a guy!" I'm gonna play for the sky.
Ain't gonna miss a thing, I'm gonna have my fling,
I'm gonna live, live, live until I die.
Those blues I lay low, I'll make them stay low,
They'll never trail over my head.
I'll be a devil, till I'm an angel, but until then.
Hallelujah, gonna dance, gonna fly, I'll take a chance riding high,
Before my number's up, I'm gonna fill my cup,
I'm gonna live, live, live, live, live until I die!
It's just a bit of a nuisance that on my Cd the song that comes straight after it is
I don't know why I should cry over you?
Sigh over you? Even be blue?
I should have known that you'd leave me alone
And break my heart in two
Although you have left me alone to pine
And all of my love was a waste of time
Someday your heart will be broken like mine
So why should I cry over you?
Although you have left me alone to pine
And all of my love was a waste of time
Someday your heart will be broken like mine
So why should I cry over you?
Bit of a bugger, really! Never mind, we can just play the first one over and over... and no, noone has left me, it is only Zacchi and me here... and Zacchi always comes back, when he runs away. You can't lose what you don't have. It was not that kind of disappointment.
You might say, why am I putting this out there, posting my emotions all over the internet. Well, I know from emails I get from America, Australia, New Zealand, Scotland, England and Germany that people do actually read my blog. And while I want them to know that I am well, I am ok, I don't want them to think that I live in a dream world, some magic space that doesn't hold any challenge other than the language barrier, that life is all wine and olives. (Actually, I probably drank more wine in NZ than I do here).
I like to think my blog is a kind of diary about life. Life isn't always easy, it is a challenge. But then... I always did like a challenge.
And, as I type this, Frank Sinatra is singing about broken promises. And I feel fine.
Emails can be a problem in themselves, even when you really do know the other person well. You don't know how the person was feeling when they dashed off what seems to be a thoughtless note. They don't know how you will be feeling when you receive it. Emails tend to be quick and easily misread. Nothing replaces the sound of the human voice, or better still, the face to face contact. 80 percent of communication is through body language. So with only 20% of the messenger there in an email, the odds of misreading the content are pretty high. But if you did promise to email me, to stay in touch, I really would love it if you kept your promise...
And Shuffles, my lovely friend, it was great to get your email yesterday. Now you look out those sweatshirts because Autumn is coming, and get out there and have some fun too!
And Frankie sings... my heart must chase those ripples on the stream... so keep faith in your heart... for if you felt like me... :-)
1 comment:
(((HUG)))
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