hope

Yesterday I had news that something I had been wanting for myself for two years is finally going to occur. Oddly enough I am not elated, just hopeful; not celebrating, just waiting. I am no longer confident that everything I think is a good idea will come to pass in the way and time that I desire. I don't give up hope though, but have learned to question my own timing and wishes.

What have I learned, in that intervening two years?

I have learned that ideas change, and, with that, needs change. Values change. I have learned not to give up hope. Hope, and trust. I have learned to trust not that I will have everything I think I need, but that I will in time have everything that I do need. There is a big difference.

I have also distilled a lot of ideas in that two years. Many people have said to me how they envy me, living the dream life, painting in Italy. I always reply that it was never MY dream. My dream was quite different, and didn't come to fruition in the way that I had hoped. My sense of purpose, however, strengthens and flowers. In that sense, I am enjoying the pursuit of the dream.

My dream once was to be a professional artist - however one defines that. When I had achieved that - according to my own set of definitions - I found that painting to sell was a hollow space to be in. For me it was not enough. Having work in galleries, commissions, and being accepted as "an artist" rather than a teacher or any other definition, was no longer important to me.

Oddly enough, once I let go of that dream and began to focus on being a member of a community, a friend and a neighbour, all the other things followed.

I have at times, too often, neglected the important things in life to be busy. Busy painting, busy earning a living, busy doing. In being less busy, more focused on the people I love, I have found more creative space.

This coming month I am sharing another artist's studio. She has made room for me as we work on a shared project. The following month, I trust, I will have a new studio space to share with other artists.

What is my dream? I have probably shared it before. It is not my dream, it is THE dream. Written across my tee-shirt, a gift from Ann in New Zealand, are the words "Live the dream". A rainbow surrounds the words. As a friend read the words on my shirt in hesitant English with a strong Italian accent it hit me, two years ago, that I wasn't floating, lost without a new dream. I had become a tiny little part of THE dream, working in a bigger movement, dreaming of, and working for, world peace.

I believe that peace is not merely the absence of war. Peace begins at home.

I believe that a smile can make a difference, a hug can make a world of difference.

If you have made it to the end of this post then please do this: give a smile where it is needed, perform a random act of kindness. You will make a difference... and you too will have a better day.

Today I am grateful for creative challenges.