14 January 2013

on waiting and not knowing

Today my NZ exhibition will be taken down. It is an odd feeling, having had a solo show that I didn't see in final form, nor have I seen any of the works framed. I feel a sense of melancholy tonight, here in the northern hemisphere. I have heard that my works were "enjoyed by hundreds", but without being able to see people look at a painting, pause in front of one a little longer, come back to look again at another, words feel a little empty. I don't even have photographs that give me more than a general idea of how the works were hung. It's a little like sending your children out into the world without being able to follow their progress. Or am I just being over protective of my pieces of paper with a little paint on them?

In NZ students are waiting, waiting for their results. The website is overloaded, and many can't get on to see how well they did with NCEA. It makes my thoughts for my paintings a little selfish, futile follies. These students are  waiting for results that will determine a part of their future. Good luck, all of you. When I last checked on FB a niece had still not been able to access her results.

In another part of NZ a nephew wont be thinking too much about his results as he competes for a place on the NZ junior surfing team. Good luck to all young people, the future is yours. Whether you make the team or not, whether the results of NCEA are what you hoped for or not, as long as you know that you have given it your very best shot then there is no reason to be disappointed. Life is too short for regrets.

Tonight I spoke with my dad, just a young fellow at 92, coming up 93. He was just in from a run when I phoned. He told me that he pulled out of a race this weekend, the 3,000 metres, because it was just too hot and humid. He lined up at the start, but when a younger man ahead of him pulled out at about the 300 metre mark dad decided that the younger man was probably more sensible, and pulled out of the race with him. I say thank goodness! It's tough on your support crew when you push your body too hard. And it's good to see that you are never too old to learn... and that pride did not get in the way of a sensible decision. Dad was happy that his shorter races were run in faster times than he ran in November. There's always another race to run, another record to set.

I haven't been painting - it's been about a month now. I miss it. But when there is no demand for paintings, is there any point in making them? Yes, I think there is. I need to paint for me.

Today I am grateful for helpful friends.

1 comment:

Helen said...

You will feel a sadness as you missed seeing the final results of your labours in their viewing space. The best consolation is that it was so successful when done from afar and that your work was appreciated and enjoyed. Well done :-)