old books, good people, good places

(Photo 2007, a rare privilege to be in this room).
There is an exhibition of ancient books at the Abbey on Montecassino at the moment. I saw it yesterday. Most of the books were in leather covers, some in silver. There were no wooden volumes. I looked for one in particular, that was not there.

The exhibition made me think of the "family Bible" that I loved so dearly as a child. It had a wooden cover, heavily carved and embossed. I would dust it, tracing my fingers over it.

I remember the sadness I felt when I saw that deaths had been entered in my mother's hand, written quietly, probably after we were sleeping.

It was very large, very beautiful. I don't even have a photograph of it. I always dreamed that one day I would be the keeper of this treasure, but my mother insisted that it must go to a family member with the family surname.

That Bible holds records of our births and deaths, not his. I wonder if he treasures it as much as I did. I hope so. It records my birth, but wont record my death. I guess that means that I must live forever. Perhaps my mother was right; It was a part of my colonial New Zealand life. I wouldn't have bought the heavy wooden Bible to Italy.


*****


Two visitors left this morning. It is a privilege to share time with good people. We chewed the metaphorical fat, re-wrote other friends' lives for them, patted ourselves on the back for being strong independent women, and wondered how our lives ended up the way they have. Parallel lives. Not one of us is living the dream we held when we were young.

People change.

One of the things we discussed had me expounding on the theory that post-menopausal women become more assertive and less accommodating, less "biddable" and nurturing, because the hormonal changes drive an apparent personality change. I don't think that think our personalities do actually change, but we no longer subjugate parts of our personalities in the interests of a calm and safe homelife for our children. What our nearest and dearest might see as us becoming selfish is actually women standing up and saying "I am more than a mother". That can rock the boat and occasionally someone tips out.

It is good to have a lifeline nearby, but learning to swim and to enjoy the water, choosing when to splash out, and knowing when to rest are better options than grasping at a rope and hoping for dry land.
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